16 - Immanoteid

On the Starship Calgexian, all is calm, and the beautiful dance of space continues in it's infinite majesty.

On board, the provisional government for the small principality of Calgexia bides their time, despite the crewmates drunken rants, they were actually not, in fact, ever thrown off the Homeworld, Yolloop (Pronounced as Whallop with a y, just as a bit of test to see if anyone talking about the planet cared enough to check) by the newly installed "Federal Republic", which by all accounts was a military Junta ran by a cruel, tyranical overlord, King Bernie had left earlier than most governments, partially because he had holiday plans, but also because he had heard news of quite a lot of "socialist traitors" being thrown from high buildings, the fact that some of these agitators were literal royalty didn't seem to stop the Junta.

In the Gazing Column, a red light flashes, Jix, the Gitten seer is roused awake, he flails hitting some lever, outside the window, he sees it.

A horrifying beast resting on an asteroid, heading straight for them, an astrokarnan, a pair of long sharp teeth with tendril like legs, able to survive in the cold vacuum of space, it was collosal, deadly, and it was heading right for him.

Jix quickly slamed down on the emergency button, and in the main command center the Giga screen shot to life.

He knew that he was dead, but a primal instinct forced his head back and his hands forward, he gritted his teeth, and braced himself.

And braced himself.

And Braced Himself.

He heard a plink on the glass.

At this point, Jix opened his eyes, a tiny, lamprey like astrokarnan had attached itself to the glass.

Jix readjusted himself on his seat, and looked closely at the astrokarnan, he moved around the room, getting a better look at it.

"Oh, it was just a little baby one, oh well, i'm sure they'll be fine in there."

Jix reclined back in his chair, and went back to his peaceful rest.

The Klaxon in the main command center peridodically screamed, a rotating flashing red light filled the room, panic insued instantly

The housing minister ran away, locking himself in the cupboard

the secretary for bees pulled the trigger, foam dart.

Cunningly, ShickFickF*uckingDu*mbA*ss threw a rock into the GIGA SCREEN, smashing it, but the problem, the problem was still there...

at this fragant disregard for government property, the secretary of bees, taking a firm stand in line with his fiscal
views, pulled the trigger on his revolvo-pro, he would have to live with the consequences of his actions forever, the
devil and angel on his shoulder screamed at each other through his mind, an entire life of moral lessons shot through his
brain, as he made his dark will manifest through the firearm.

The dart hit Shick on the nose, and some of the cabinet thought it funny, the secretary of bees accosted them for this,
as it wasn't A grade material, and fired two darts at the minister of war, Chimbly for starting the guffaw.
ShickFickF*uckingDu*mbA*ss knew who he could call on.
"Immanoteid, my loyal secretary of grass?"

Immanoteid turned to Shick, held his gun to his head and gave the traditional one gun salute, killing himself in the process.

"JESUS CHRIST, HE'S DEAD!" screamed "Steve", the new intern in the GOVERNMENT, dashing out of the room into the hall.

Shick acted quickly, "Send a message to Cattafan please, it should read 'We have man down, please send mop'

Minister of paper and paper related communications, Paper Corps, took the message, and ran through one of the ships many halls

"AIR LOCK, DO NOT OPEN" read the large imposing metal door

Paper Corps had never been a man for rules, and now he was about to break the one rule he was told to never, NEVER break.

Paper's Corps(e) idly drifted in the cold vacumn of space in front of the cabinet meeting, where a junior minister was recorded as saying.

"The brave sonuva bitch."

Shick gave a slightly less traditional zero gun salute, surviving very patriotically.

"FIRE THE WEAPONS" screamed Shick, the minister of war looked down at his calculator, and crunched some numbers

"Sir, i have bad news, out greatest maths indicate we may not possibly be able to retain our position as local power if we engage"

Shick said "Sternly, show me the facts."

The minister held up a sheet of paper, with a crude drawing of an alien having his head blown off by a gun labeled "overextension of the empire", drawn in galactic crayon.

Chimbly said in a tone of voice a junior minister quotes as "The most solemn thing i had heard in my life thusly: "And don't call me sternly."

(Note for future historians, ShickFickF*uckingDu*mbA*ss really hated airplane, read more in the full history of the Calgexian Empire/Principality, 1899-1899 after a nice chat and a cup of tea)

Shick stood gobbersmacked and bandlesmashed, he sat down on his swivel chair at the head of the very important table.

"Milord, i require your advice", said Shick, to no one in particular.

Shick walked out of the very important meeting room through the very important door, and finally into the most important door of his royal higness, Prince Bernie II, last of his line,

defender of some faith and Regent in Exile for the Principality of Calgexia, Lord of the Mint, Mints, and Werthers originals, Vicount of the 4th Clark excluding that chunk of land owned only by Carl the dissapointing,

His Emminent Highness while awake and Lowness while asleep.

Shick knocked with the careful fist of a cherub, gently tapping the door with the rip of his knuckle.

A load groan eminated from the royal bedroom. (not that kind of groan you bloody pervert)

Shick continued to rap upon the ornate white door.

"Nyeeeeuuuuh."

"Uegh."

Bernies eyestalks hung with the energy of roadkill, and his eyes themselves didn't have bags, they had rucksacks, his green skin seemed to be slightly out of sync with the rest of himself, it dragged behind ever so slightly.

Emperor Bernie hooked himself out of bed, grabbed his green dressing gown, and staggered towards the door.

He opened the door to a bowing Shick.

"What now?" grumbled Bernie. Despite first appearences, Bernie is not actually that terrible, in fact, he's generally considered quite a nice chap by most people he meets, some people are just awful risers, Shick knew this well.

Shick's tone had shifted from the war room, his bear like voice shrunk to a teddy.

"Well erm, sorry your majesty, defender of the fai-"

"Yes, yes, get on with it.", interrputed Bernie.

"Yes, well, we have a problem, and i need your majesties advice."

"Again."

Bernie and Shick walked through the hall leading to the very important meeting room.

Shick pointed towards the screen, and urged Bernie into the very important chair

Bernie looked forward at the destroyed giga screen.

"Why did you throw a rock at the giga screen?"

Shick's face turned red, and sheepishly he replied "Oh, that was some, military, stuff, yeah.

Shick paused for a moment "Military stuff." he reaffirmed.

Steve, still slightly traumatized, dragged in an older screen, placed on top a shelf with wheels, and plugged it into the main console.

"Immanoteid?" asked Bernie, to the crumpled mound of blue flesh

"Rrghhhhruhuhr" Said Immanoteid. "OH GOOD LORD HE'S STILL ALIVE JESUS CHRIST" screamed Steve, who had just walked back into the room, after being talked
into it by the very small and rarely seen braver half of himself.
"Oh this happens a lot, sorry Steve, really should have made that more clear." explained Bernie.
Steve looked down at Immanoteid, then back at Bernie, with his mouth slightly agape, he walked backwards out of the room
again.

"Did you shoot yourself in the head again?" asked Bernie.
"Rho!" said the pile of flesh with a distinct hole in the side of it's head.
Bernie sighed. "There's medi-gel in the cabinet, i'll grab it for you when i'm done here."
"Rhokay, frank rhu"

"See, right there, big bugger, innie?" Said Shick, tapping on the cubic monitor
Bernie squinted at the monitor, and noticed a small green indicator in the bottom right.
Bernie's head fell back, and he closed his eyes.
"Your majesty?" asked Shick.
Bernie stood up from the very important chair and walked next to the machinary arrayed by the giga screen.

Bernie grabbed a small lever on the underside of the console, and pulled it back, Shick looked on with horror as the
horrible insectoid shrank.
Bernie walked back to the mini-screen.
Bernie looked at the mini-screen.
Bernie headed back to the hallway cabinet, and took out a small salve of gel, he headed back into the room.

"Immanoteid?"
"Rhes?"
"This is going to hurt more than last time, that wound looks really bad."
Bernie kneeled down to immanoteid's crumpled body, and rubbed the salve into the wound, the gel coagulated inside his head.

Immanoteid's face cringed, as he righted himself up
"Thanks" he said through gritted teeth.

"Right, all's well then, i'm getting back to bed."

the sound of a fist hitting glass came from behind the giga-screen.

Bernie's eyes shot to life, he quickly pulled a lever to his side, and the giga-screen retracted into an overhead compartment

Outside, Paper Corps, with a small bubble around his head looked back into the meeting room.

"Corps?"

"Yes?" mouthed Paper through the window

Bernie dashed back into the hallway, into the airlock, he hastily grabbed a small cannister before the door locked shut.
He slammed down on a red button, and the exit hatch flew open, there, Paper floated idly, with a clear bubble over his
head, a few fibers in his shirt had been glowing in primary colours
first green, now red.

Bernie pulled a lever on top of the cannister, firing him forward towards Paper, he grabbed onto him as his eyes rolled
to the back of his head, he turned and fired back again, his oxygen falling dangerously low

With an intense speed he flew back into the ship, smashing his head against the door, the world went black.

Bernies eyes pried themselves open again, his eyestalks felt cold, he had a towel over his head, and heard a familiar voice.

"Paper?" he stammered.
"Eurghhhhhhhh" groaned Paper.
Bernie's everything hurt, but he put his hands across his stomach and smiled.

"You absolute jackass." He said, giggling.
Paper smiled.

Bernie knew they had to go back soon, the recycled air was getting to them all.

16 - Immanoteid (But not really though)