Josser: Alright, shut the fuck up, we need to start

Polint: Me, 4 years into my 5 day suppression initiative

*Laughter

Strassava: Any second now, we're really gonna get it.

Josser: Alright, alright, let's just start, good evening, and welcome to-

Polint: Hell?

Strassava: The day of total victory?

Josser: And WELCOME TO; "Scumlord", a holo-cast about scumlords.

Polint: A holo-cast about former Scumlords, you mean?

Josser: Well, tonight, uhh, yes.

Strassava: Ladies and gentlemen, we got 'im

Polint: Might genuinely be the first success for the movement in... 4 years?

Yilt: I'd chalk it to 40, although folks, you love to see it.

Josser: Ok, so, you probably already know, Grand Poobah of Jikarai-

Strassava: Emphasis on "Poo"

...

Polint: Strass that's below you

Strassava: Well, so is he, now.

Josser: Scumlord of Jikarai, Tolin Korr, was shot dead 2 mornings ago, and may i be the first on the cast to say:

lol, cunt.

Yilt: Indeed.

Polint: I take it everyone's being extremely normal about this.

Josser: Oh absolutely, we've got an article, written by no less than the venerable,

Yilt: Oh please don't-

Josser: The self proclaimed "Writing god", right Lord cunstable,

Yilt: Joss, i swear to god-

Josser: Folks it's Brennin Tagu!!!

Yilt: I'm out, i'm not doing this, Joss, not again, not this fucking guy's writing, please, i'm actually begging.

Polint: Fuck me, quick on the draw isn't he?

Strassava: I think at this point, he's just got a form he fills in "disgusting X's today, committed the most profane crime, Y"

Yilt: 'Y' Are we reading this shit Joss? We know what he's going to say

Polint: You know i think i do respect Brennin in an odd way, because it genuinely takes fortitude to be that much of a cuck, you know what i mean?

Polint: It's like he's managed to find a way to sit in the chair in a hotel corner with his lower torso blown off

Polint: respect to the grind, i don't know many people that capable of being this dogshit.

Josser: Well, it's funny you should talk about respect, because ol' Brennin's very concerned about the state of the discourse right now.

Yilt: 'Hi Yes, i've taken a break from calling Caestinnians Insect Creatures incapable of higher thought' in order to browbeat you on how fweaking mean you're being wite naow, abloobloo

Strassava: Well no, that's not fair Yilt, Brennin's amazing in that you can count on him to be casually racist dipshit, but he'll find ways to surprise you, he really knows how to Zig when you think he will Zag

Polint: Either way, he'll be goosestepping and giving off the epic salute, but you know, he varies it.

Josser: Alright, well, let's begin with this weeks reading series:

Polint: No News?

Strassava: Had the protest shut down the other day, actually now that i think about it, might've been over this?

Polint: Surely 'News' implies novelty, like "Clouds Exist" is true, but it's not news.

Josser: Ah, fuck, yeah you're right, uhhh, ok, so, This week, in the news:

Josser: Gonna be honest everyone, This shooting kinda, dominated the week, what've you been seeing?

Polint: Well, our glorious leader has once again gotten on his knees to suck off the federal "Envoy"

Josser: That's the "I'm satisfied with the explanation" thing, right?

Polint: yeah-yeah, so, if you'll remember, which i appreciate is harder to do now, what with the everything, Jacksie Tint was shot dead by a federal police officer who'd previously stalked her for about 8 months

Strassava: This story's so fucking grim.

Polint: Oh, don't worry Strass, the PM's on the case, well, off the case, apparently the feds investigated themselves, and found they did nothing wrong, so all's well in the world.

Yilt: This is, i think the 7th time this has happened this year? Grim's right.

Strassava: Well, there is some good news, Yekket's out of jail, not in the logs, and you'll notice he's not on the "degenerate of the week" lineup

*general approving holler

Yilt: That guy has seriously, seriously gotta get better at staying out of prison, the escapes fucking rule but they're going to catch on eventually.

Yilt: Cartoon bullshit of slinking out wearing guards clothes is awesome, but it's not a good long term strategy.

Josser: Well, we here at Scumlord wish him a very happy time, out of prison.

Yilt: One thing i would like to mention, the uhh, the fuckin' Jikarai soviet? That just seemingly came into being overnight? Pretty awesome, you love to see it.

Strassava: Amazing thing to me was, like, they're still going? Absolutely threw the local cops out like yesterdays rubbish

Yilt: True, but they're really the goofusses to the fed's Gallant, remains to be seen how well they're able to get those pricks out, but still, rare spot of sunshine on this bleak planet.

Polint: It's weird we still use that expression when we have got two suns, like you'd think "A day with some fucking shade" would be more appropriate.

Josser: Speaking of appropriate, we've got someone who's always, very appropriate, here to tell us exactly how evil and awful people are, for producing a pretty great outcome

Josser: Without further ado: I present "We are lost, as a planet", By Brennin, Victory, Tagu.

Polint: Hang on, hang on, His middle name is "Victory"?

Yilt: Yeah it's an old trick, it's a crude theft of King Tillin "Victory" Yosto's whole thing, which was a name Tillin gave himself after gaining control of an entire continent.

Polint: Well, nono, Brennin's definitely done something that impressive, he's had breakfasts the size of a continent.

Strassava: Well you know, Tillin lead from the front, Brennin's pretty good at fronting, so it definitely works.

Josser: Alright, we'll begin.

Josser:

"We are lost, as a planet, crime is rampant"-

Yilt: *Bzzzt Wrong. Just, directly wrong, violent crime's been declining for decades, fuck off.

Josser: Yillllt.

Yilt: Look i'm sorry but this is absolutely infuriating, i fucking hate this guy, why are we reading this? What have i done to you to deserve this, Joss?

Josser:

"We are lost, as a planet, crime is rampant, disorder reigns, and thus, i find myself once again, in the public agora,"

Josser: "Chatter."

Polint: No, fucking, way.

Strassava: I knew it! See! Zigs! He's still got it baby!

Yilt: He's seriously just going to use the space to bitch about his chatter feed?

Yilt: Can i get a wallet to chew on?

Josser:

"In times such as this, we must reflect, on evil, the nature of evil, and how to combat it, when the ploughman sees the barbarian in the distance, he knows he must turn plowshares to swords"

Yilt: Astonishing writing, when i reflect on the nature of evil, it's always in defence of a pedophilic slumlord brought low by a poor mother of two.

Josser: Alleged, pedophilic slumlord

Yilt: Yeah that's true, yknow we don't actually know if he's a slumlord, could've just been an enterprising man operating in low cost real-estate

Josser: Yilllllt.

Polint: Why does Brennin always write like he's about to embark on a crusade, like he talks in these big historic registers of "Thy humble farmer doth raise thee sword of logick towards the vile hordes of foreigners"

Yilt: It's because they have to, "Scumfuck bastard shot dead, celebrated by all" makes them uncomfortable, so they need to bring in this hoighty toighty bullshit

Strassava: It's amazing how deep Brennin's got to reach for "Horrible man shot dead by one of his victims" to get shrouded like this.

Josser:

"When you picture the face of evil, it's easy to picture a monster, with vile, fat face, dripping with violent mania, but in truth, it more often comes in the form of the 'small man'"

Polint 'When you picture the face of evil, it may be shocking close to the man i'm currently defending, but uhhhhh, nevermind don't think about that'

Josser: Get ready, here's the kicker:

"The small man, contrary to the beliefs of some holo-cast radicals, is the face of evil, it is menace dressed as protest, of the huckster reframing police procedure as 'demonic'

Yilt: Holy shit.

Polint: Dude.

Strassava: I have one thing to say ***************************.

Josser: We're going to have to cut that.

Polint: He wrote this, like, before we found out what that "procedure" was, right?

Josser: Nope, he fully knew.

Polint: Death Penalty.

Yilt: For those playing along at home, the pigs, totally under Tolin Korr's fat fucking thumb, killed this woman's son, then attempted to puppet his corpse with a combination of generated voices, and videos

Strassava: Genuinely one of the most horrific things i've seen, and our entire show is covering this substrata of pondscum.

Josser: The rest of the article's similar kinds of bile, but i want to skip to the end:

"When the shepherd is awoken from his peaceful toil, woe be to the barbarian, for he is to learn the fury of the aroused creature."

"The Left do not know what they're paying for."

Yilt: Great to top everything off with psychosexual delirium, i almost forgot we were reading Brennin for a second, throw in "We must secure a future for our children" for good measure.

Polint: Actually rancid stuff Josser.

Strassava: Fully agreed.

Josser: Well, i guess i'm just an asshole then.

Collectively: Yes.

48 - Tolin Korr